I See You in Every Little Thing

13 Mar

Wow! Six whole years have passed. I can’t believe it sometimes. Of course, my Demilade is always on my mind and this past year has been interesting, to say the least.

I found myself pregnant with baby number three at the beginning of fall last year. I promptly scheduled an OB visit to confirm. When I visited the doctor and he put me on the sonogram, the estimated due date read: March 13, 2019. My heart sunk. I quickly composed myself and made no mention of the significance of the date to the doctor. Although, I had just completed a form detailing my history, so that date appeared in those documents.

I thought, Wow! God has a funny sense of humor. What are the chances!? But, when the doctor left the room to print the picture from the sonogram and came back in to hand me my visit summary, he had, all of a sudden, changed the date to March 12th. Even the date on the picture was changed. This act alone did wonders for my nerves. Although I had seen what I saw with my own two eyes and heard with my own two ears, I decided to take this gracious act and run with it.

Now when I announced my pregnancy and interested parties wanted to know the due date, I’d plainly say the baby was due in March. By all accounts, this was a true statement, as I was not sure which day in March I’d give birth. In women with a history of preeclampsia, doctors will typically recommend induction in order to deliver the baby earlier than the date at which she is full term. This is to try and avoid complications with preeclampsia if it develops when the baby is already full term. This was the case with my son, it would be my reality with my daughter too.

As much as I thought I had grown in faith and trust in God, there was so much happening around me over the last four years that I wondered if I’d make it. Each and every year since March 2013 seemed to come with its own challenge. New hurt, new disappointments, less to be happy about. Some of the fears I thought I had conquered came back to haunt me and at unexpected times.  But God made sure to place angels around me to reassure me of His love and protection. Every time I second-guessed myself or over analyzed something, I had people in my corner praying for me and sending me encouraging words. Most times without me having to say how I was feeling.

When my daughter was born seven days ago, I  was thankful, relieved and overjoyed. I still am. Each of my children has taught me invaluable life lessons. Demilade taught me unconditional love, patience and brought me closer to God; Akinlabí has taught me perseverance, given me strength and courage and, showed me how to cherish every moment; and, Àmìolá has, so far, taught me to let go and trust God.

This year, I celebrate these lessons and remember my first son.

2 Responses to “I See You in Every Little Thing”

  1. Lanji March 24, 2020 at 1:10 pm #

    Thank you for sharing. 🧡

    I often think of you and Demilade. Anytime I hear of a high risk pregnancy or the loss of a child, you are who pops into my mind first. It’s often just difficult to know what to say or how to broach the topic. I pray for you, Flav, and the babies. I’m so overjoyed when I see you rejoice in Labi and Ami. I’m blessed to simply be a witness of what you have managed to persevere through. My love and prayers are with you constantly. Even in my silence. I do not even pretend to imagine the complexities and fear of parenthood, especially after losing Demilade, but I know it’s there. And I pray for you often. Love you Cousin.

    • elledacosta March 25, 2020 at 1:08 pm #

      Thank you Cousin! I love you back. I know your heart and I’m grateful knowing you SEE me. You can always approach me on this topic. I put my experience here because I felt alone at the moment and I wanted to make sure any other person in the same situation, frantically looking for answers online, could find this blog and realize that its not such a lonely journey; and that they can endure or prevent the outcome altogether.

      I just hope to always be present with Labi and Amiola. They deserve nothing less. Every moment counts.

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